here i am once again.. sitting on a rock surrounded by water....
I can't see that light anymore. No longer are you there to guide me to solid land.
I used to dream of water people... never balancing with false pride above the water, but drifting slowly in the depth below, following the current with purpose.
You were alien to me, but you lead me through the weedy water, and taught me how to swim. In the end i felt we were brethren, but our bond went deeper than that... i dreamt of castles, and of starry nights, and a place we could call our own... but you could never share those dreams with me...
And here I am, remembering my first realisation which i knew only in denial...that you, like the others down there in the depths; you, who taught me how to float and hide amongst the kelp, would never settle.
No matter what, you would forever be slave to your past, destined to be a regal figure ever drifting on the current of opportunity.
Maybe one day our streams will flow together again one day, but we must not dwell, for as you've shown me we can only follow the path which we have chosen.
I'm falling off the edge of the world, into the sky. Oblivious to what is beyond. Terrified that i won't be able to get back home... to you.
Will we ever find each other again?
...will i ever find myself again?
I'm lost and alone...and as much as I try to hide it, I'll never be able to lie to myself.
she stood...with her arms outstretched, signalling for the wind to take her.
She had known, as well as she knew herself, that they could never part, for they were from the one string... but now? now she was unsure. Where the path had once been well known, it was now frail footing like slippery rocks in a creek bed.
take me away and i will never trouble this land again.
Sometimes i want you to just do it... shove a blade deep into my gut and yank it around until you make a horrible mess of things... Other times i think the way it is now is better. Let me feel that nothing i can ever do will make me a better person. Let me live with the fact that i’ve ruined all that ever made me happy, and everything that comes after is just a lie.
I will never be truly happy ever again, and all of it my fault.
I used to believe that all anyone ever needed was love, and that was enough to sustain one person through whatever shit happened in that lifetime. But i was wrong. Love is the slowest form of suicide. Everything is just temporary anyway; whatever you feel for someone can be abused and extorted, and it’s subject to change at any one given time. All relationships are just a superficial fuck-out designed so that you might feel better about yourself; whether you like the sound of your own voice, or listening to people makes you feel like you’re doing something selfless. Life is all about the singular. Not one person goes with you through life; your journey is all about you anyway. At the end you’re alone... What the hell is love anyway? Does anyone know? Does anyone give a fuck about what it is? The word is chucked around so often, im sure that if anyone knew its true meaning once before, lost it in translation.
Now i guess there’s nothing left to do but waste my life looking for that thing that i will not find, because i had it within my grasp and it’s gone now...so fast and the realisation is a gun to the head, and a knife to the heart.
Goodbye sweet ignorance, i had no idea how much you helped me.
i will die here...alone inside myself, never to hold that happiness once again.
